Friends Make All the Difference



Left to Right: Me (who couldn't manage to keep quiet long enough to take this picture) Leslie, and Stephanie

Heather's high school graduation with Tom

I remember reading once that the biggest predictor if a kid was going to successful in life (measured by graduating high school, getting a job and being happy in relationships),  was if by the time the child was in 6th grade, they had a close friend who was a good influence.

 

Interesting.

 

It wasn't about standardized test scores, or having cool technology in the classroom, or even if there was a lot of homework. It was all about having a peer who liked them and made them feel good about themselves.

 

As you all know, I was very lucky in the friend department. First I had Leslie, who was my best girlfriend from 3rd grade until my adoptive family moved away at the end of my 6th grade year. We kept in contact through letters and the occasional cassette tape recordings even after I moved.

In 8th grade I met my next best friend, Stephanie, in Phys. Ed. class. We were in the same P. E. class again our freshman year of high school. Bouncing basketballs together kept our connection strong while we went through the trauma of transitioning from Jr. high school to Sr. high school. Usually that is the time when you dump all your "babyish" friends in hopes of making friends with the cool older kids. We stayed friends all through high school, which is a minor miracle.

 

Then there was Tom. I don't know if a boyfriend counts as a good influence/best friend, but in terms of helping me avoid the pitfalls of eating disorders, sexual promiscuity, addictions and feeling bad about my hair, he was aces. Every girl should be so lucky to have a boy who really was a friend.

 

So don't freak out about your kids grades (as long as they are reasonably performing) or if they don't do well on standardized tests. Instead, spend your energies encouraging your child to find that one special friend they can count on to help pull them through the rough days of adolescence. In my case, it took three close friends, my friend's parents, a wider circle of  a good kids, teachers and adult mentors to influence me to stay on the straight and narrow when it would have been so, so easy to jump ship into a pool of sharks.

 

I consider myself very lucky to have survived the trip.