Emelia Is Gone

My sister Emelia's birthday on January 11th.  My birthday is on August 11th. We are exactly 5 months apart in age.  We were introduced when we were both 7 years old, and we became sisters and roommates the same day we met. 

We are now both 48 years old. I am older, and because of the way school cut offs work, I was a year ahead of her in school. That made it easy for me to ignore her in public. We had different classes, different friends and led different lives. Even though we shared a bedroom for most of the years we lived at the same address, we were never close.

That is the nature of living in an abusive, Hunger Games kind of family. We kids were pitted against each other, being rewarded with extra food and privileges when we ratted out each other's sins. I quickly learned to never tell my new sister anything. It was too dangerous. 

 As adults, Emelia stayed close to our adoptive parents and I couldn't leave fast enough. We tried on and off, for almost 30 years, to close the gap between us. Especially after Harley and Virginia died, it seemed like we would finally have the sisterhood relationship we both said we wanted. But it wasn't meant to be. The traumas of our childhood kept us apart, unable to break through the wall that separated us.

Emelia suffered in silence a much heavier burden than I did. She was sexually abused by a man our adopted parents invited into our home and claimed as an adult son. She suffered mental abuse that I was able to find solace in others from. She didn't have teachers and friends who rescued her. She didn't get the breaks in life that I did.

Emelia took her own life last Saturday. She will be 48 forever. My heart breaks for the physical and emotional pain I know she suffered. My heart breaks for her husband, children and grandchildren she left behind.

Life is hard. Be kind to one another. 

(from top left): Rex, Matthew, Emelia and Me on the first day of school in our new adoptive family.

Not all of our family, there were  older siblings that no longer lived at home by the time Rex and I arrived. 

Emelia and me, with Harley at a Daddy Daughter program at church. 

Emelia and me with our little sisters/ nieces. We were responsible for  the day- to- day care of the little girls. I washed their laundry and Emelia did their hair. She waa always better at the beauty stuff than me. 

Emelia in high school. I remember arguing over that sweater shirt. It looked better on her.